Pleasantly obese? You must be joking!

Indra has been regaling the HWC with his tales of life for many years. This is a cracker of a tale about being fat. However, please note that Indra is not fat.

                             Being Fat
Today, I had a medical examination. I hope you don’t mind me sharing 
personal information with you. 

But the doctors and nurses often comment on my state of health after 
the annual check up…
Once a doctor commented that I was “pleasantly obese” – that sounds so nice - obese

…but - pleasantly so!
The next year a nurse said to me do you know how fat you are?
Yes, I said “pleasantly obese”.
No, she said – you’re obese and not pleasantly so!
If you are permanently brown (as opposed to spray tan, holiday tan or
after a visit to a tanning studio) you get a cultural diagnosis as well as being told that you are fat!
I have been advised:
  ·         easy on the chapattis.
  ·         onion bhajies – try and resist!
  ·         And no coconut rice!
  (As if the nurses really know my dietary habits!)
I tried to reconcile myself with being fat - what are the good things about being fat:
Well if you fall down on the snow, or on a banana skin or after a visit to the pub! – If you’re fat you can bounce right back up again!
Also, if it’s cold you can slide about on the ice even if you not wearing a sweater.
Look at the seals and walruses they are fat mammals and they slide about on the ice all day without feeling cold.
As society becomes more violent - if you were unfortunate and got stabbed – the fat would probably shield your vital organs and save your life.
Culturally, being fat is not always seen negatively:
·         Mr Drummond the rich banker after whom my road was named was fat.
·         So was Lord Buddha.
·         And Father Christmas is noted for being a friendly generous soul.
Also, when travelling it is useful to be large - particularly if you are a lady - wearing a “baby on board badge”!
On one occasion a thin lady with a “baby on board” badge entered a train carriage - I gave up my seat for her.
…Then I became suspicious – I thought - either - she was not pregnant or she had only just become pregnant – either way she did not warrant being given a seat!
I asked for my seat back!
I’m fat! I explained I need this seat more than you!
Large people have their own clothes shops one in London called “Sized
Well”!
Also, obese people have their own clubs one called Weight Watchers.
Some people say that Weight Watchers don’t work?
Think about it – you go to a club – and you like the people!
…and the only thing you have in common is that you’re overweight!
(Thin people don’t go to Weight Watchers)
So if you want to be in the “In crowd” or should I say “weighing in crowd” you have to be overweight!
Spiritually, many religions say that God made Heaven and Earth...
Well unfortunately he also made Ice Cream and Chocolate cake!
Whilst Western Gods are not normally portrayed as being large.
Eastern people have learnt to accept that some of us are large…You can see statues of the Laughing Buddha and also the Hindu God Ganesh is large - as he is an elephant!
Ganesh wields a mace as a weapon – and has a mouse as a companion.
Symbolically Ganesh can smash through any “problem” with his mace – but if the problem is insurmountable and Ganesh cannot get through – the mouse will get through to the other side by digging under the problem...
…The moral being – that whilst being thin is nice – you can be overweight and still make the most of your life!
© Indra Sikdar
Date: 21 November 2011